If you are expecting a baby, or have recently given birth, you have probably heard of the term "natural childbirth." Like so many other women, you may find yourself wondering what that means. You will probably wonder if natural childbirth is for you, and you will no doubt research endlessly trying to determine what exactly natural childbirth is.
So, what does it really mean to have a natural birth?
Natural childbirth is an elusive term. To some, this simply means that a baby was born vaginally. Others believe natural childbirth is a birth that occurs at home. The majority of people believe that a natural birth occurs when a baby is born vaginally without the use of pain medication or the introduction of medical interventions.
As a doula, I often have women tell me that they want a natural birth. This prompts me to ask the famous question, "What does having a natural childbirth mean to you?" This is probably the most important question I could ask my clients in regards to their goal of having a natural birth. Because as a doula, I will absolutely support your wishes for a "natural birth," in whatever capacity that means to you.
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Sunday, September 20, 2015
The Three Rs In Labor: How It Makes A Difference
When I first became a doula, I learned about the three Rs: relaxation, rhythm, and ritual. At the time, I didn't know how significant these things can be in labor. However, as time went on and my experience grew, I learned just how significant these things are and how it can make a difference during labor.
The three Rs originate from Penny Simkin's, "Comfort Measures." Penny Simkin has said that after observing hundreds of laboring women, she discovered that those women who coped well and didn't get overwhelmed had these three coping mechanisms in common: relaxation, rhythm and ritual. The three Rs are a very simple, but significant approach to help women cope with labor.
So, what does it mean to "cope" with labor? When a woman copes with labor she is able to get through her contractions without loosing control or feeling overwhelmed. Women who cope well tend to utilize relaxation, rhythm and ritual throughout their labors. These three Rs can be explained as an instinctual behavior women have in labor. Many times, it's something that comes naturally.
It's quite common for women to use relaxation as a way to cope in labor. For some women, this means letting their body go loose and limp between contractions, and for others it means letting their body go loose and limp during contractions. Some women may use meditation or visualization to achieve relaxation. Others may find a focal point, use hypnosis, hydrotherapy, massage or aromatherapy to reach relaxation.
Women also use rhythm as a coping mechanism. This comes in many forms. Some women rock and sway through their contractions in a rhythmic pattern. Others tap their hands or fingers on something or someone, or they may breathe or moan rhythmically. Finding rhythm during a contraction can help a woman to work with her body, rather than fight against it.
In labor, women pull on rituals they may have learned prior to labor to help them cope with contractions. This can include breathing, relaxing, using visualization or another form of focusing. Typically, the method a woman uses to relax and find rhythm become her ritual for the rest of her labor. Prior to labor beginning a woman can intentionally practice certain rituals. If she does this often enough, many times it will come to her naturally when she's in the heat of labor.
Here are a few tips on how to incorporate the three Rs into your birth:
How to relax during labor:
- Use breathing techniques
- Vocalize and/or moan
- Visualization
- Massage
- Hydrotherapy
- Listen to relaxation music
- Create a relaxing birth space
How to find rhythm during labor:
- Repeat an affirmation
- Vocalize rhythmically
- Tap someone or something
- Move your body rhythmically (bounce, sway, etc.)
- Breathe rhythmically
How to find a ritual during labor:
- Typically, once a laboring mother finds which relaxation and rhythmic techniques work for her, this will become her ritual for the rest of her labor.
To learn more, contact me! If you used the three Rs during your labor, comment below and tell us what worked best for you.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
What Is A Birth Goddess?
"If a woman doesn't look like a goddess in labor then someone isn't treating her right." - Ina May Gaskin
What is a birth goddess?
A birth goddess is someone who embraces pregnancy, birth and motherhood. She trusts in her body's ability to give birth. She intentionally strengthens her body and mind, and maintains a healthy lifestyle for her and her baby.
Childbirth is far too often feared. There is an anxiety many women experience that they won't be able to manage the pain. Women fear losing control. They fear their baby will be too big, their pelvis will be too small. They fear the unknown. They wonder if they'll be able to do it, or if they'll need a cesarean.
For just a moment, I want to step back and look at the pure, raw, natural beauty of childbirth. Childbirth is certainly a lot of work. It is intense, and it can sometimes be hard. But what we often times forget, it that our bodies were made to do this work. The female body was created to be able to give birth.
Childbirth should be a beautiful process - one we should embrace with open arms. I don't like to use the word "pain" when discussing birth. I many times instead use terms such as "discomfort", "intense", and "powerful. " However, there is a reason some pain comes with childbirth. Pain increases your endorphins. As a woman labors and the intensity increases, so will your body's production of endorphins. Endorphins are natural opiates that are responsible for things like, "runners high," and they are produced during love making. Studies show that endorphins peak near the end of labor, which helps you manage the intensity of your contractions. Prolactin levels increase as your endorphin levels increase. This helps with breastfeeding success. Another very important reason for discomfort during labor is movement. It is difficult for a laboring mother to hold still during contractions. This works perfectly in labor, as that movement helps a baby to properly align in the pelvis.
Tips for Decreasing Discomfort in Childbirth:
- Learn as much about labor as you possibly can
- Choose a birth environment where you feel safe, comfortable and relaxed
- Choose a birth team you trust and are comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable with other people or family members there don't be afraid to say so.
- Keep your bladder emptied.
- Learn relaxation techniques (visualization, deep breathing, hydrotherapy, calming music - these things go a long way!).
- Learn to let go of fear. Acknowledge and address your fears prior to labor beginning.
- Hire a doula!
Most importantly, educated yourself, know your options, and TRUST your body. Believing you can do it is the first step to success!
To learn more about how to have a beautiful, peaceful birth contact me!
Emily Zolton, CD(DONA)
(813) 777-4178
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Brielle's Birth Story
Brielle came into the world 2/9/15 via successful VBAC. Here is her birth story as told by her sweet Mama. Her wish is for this story to be shared to encourage others hoping for a VBAC. Enjoy!
PART ONE: MY VBAC JOURNEY
“Hours past as we were left alone all night to watch our baby’s heart rate rise and fall…” My first birth experience was a traumatic one. We were in a foreign country where we didn’t speak the language. My baby was in distress. We were alone. Nurses came in and out throughout the night, but only long enough to tell us that our baby was not ok, and then left us alone to process what that could possibly mean. Labour ended after 12 hours in an emergency C-section where I was put to sleep and didn’t see my son until hours after he was born. And after it all ended, the doctor told me, “I really don’t think you are big enough to have children naturally.”
I was so very grateful for God’s protection and presence with me during that scary night, but what I wasn’t prepared for was the depression that came afterward. I didn’t pinpoint I had experienced postpartum depression until this year when I was recounting the events. I never thought giving birth would be so scary, and I never thought my body wouldn’t be “capable” of giving birth properly. It was devastating to me.
Two years later Drew and I started praying about having a second child. I had succumbed to the fact that I’d probably have to have another C-section, but was acutely aware of the fact that having many repeat C-sections could limit the amount of children I could have. If there was an alternative, I wanted to find it. I started asking around, and a midwife gave me a book called Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. I started reading it and was astounded to find out that there was really no medical reason for me not to have a VBAC… not only that, it was safer for me to VBAC than to have a repeat cesarian! The second thing that I was made aware of, and was moved to tears to find out, was the fact that it is extremely uncommon for a woman to be too small to give birth naturally to her own baby. As I read, I became more and more excited. I wrote down in my journal, and re-read almost every day:
“Remember this, for as true as true gets: your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic.” - Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, p 141
I. am. not. a. lemon. I can do this.
And so my journey began. We were absolutely thrilled to find out I was pregnant with our daughter, just after my 26th birthday. She was due just ten days after Aaron’s third birthday.
I started praying and researching to find a VBAC supportive midwife and had everything set up to be in Canada with my family… only to realize afterward that both Drew’s and my parents would be in Florida the time I was due! Since our healthcare plan came out of the States anyway, we decided to look into having the baby in Florida to be with family. I found out very quickly that Florida has one of the highest cesarian rates in the country, and most of the hospitals there would not even consider a VBAC but would automatically schedule a C-section. Furthermore, it was ILLEGAL to have a VBAC at a birthing center, but somehow still legal to have a home-birth VBAC. This was getting complicated.
I continued to pray and ask for guidance and started searching the internet. I stumbled upon an ICAN (International Cesarian Awareness Network) support group on Facebook for the Tampa Bay area and joined it. From there I found a hospital that had an 85% success rate for VBACs and a group of midwives that worked in the hospital. Things were starting to fall into place.
My pregnancy was healthy. Everything was good. But I kept having flashbacks of my previous birth. What if the baby got stuck again? Aaron was posterior. What if this baby was posterior? I asked my doctor in China if she thought the baby was posterior. She wasn’t sure but said there wasn’t really anything I could do if it was. More fear. More breakdowns. Could I do this?
Before I left for Canada I was made aware of a website called spinningbabies.com and found out that it is possible to help turn the baby around if it’s in a bad position. One of the options was chiropractic care. I was having terrible back pain and was feeling the baby’s feet in my front, and I was starting to panic. I went back to Canada, and the Lord literally directed me to a chiropractor who was skilled in turning babies around. My back immediately started feeling better, and I could feel the baby getting into proper position. I know God was guiding my every step.
We arrived in Florida and I started seeing the midwife. I realized after the first visit that though they were very VBAC supportive, I wouldn't meet the midwife who delivers my baby ahead of time and they would not play an active role in my labour. One thing I had learned in my research was how key of a role your mental state plays in labour. I knew I needed a support person to help me stay positive. So three weeks before my due date I started searching for a doula. I posted a message on the ICAN Facebook page in hopes there might be a doula in the area who would take someone on short notice. I woke up the next morning to over 20 responses! It was a bit overwhelming, but after a lot of research and prayer, and several interviews, we finally found Emily, who was extremely knowledgeable and encouraged me from the moment that I met her that I was made for this.
I had worked hard. I did everything I knew to do to set myself up for a positive birth experience. But I was still afraid.
A week before my due date I prayed together with Drew and his mom. I realized I was believing lies. I believed my last birth experience said something about me as a woman. That I was “less” of a woman because I couldn’t do what a woman was made to do. I believed I didn’t measure up. I was incapable. I wasn’t ENOUGH. And I think a lot of women who have had births ending in unwanted C-sections end up having similar thoughts about themselves.
But that night God met me where I was, and I was reminded of this verse:
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My form was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.” - Ps 139:13-15
He created my body to be able to carry and give birth to children. I stood on that promise. I held onto it for dear life.
PART TWO: LABOUR AND DELIVERY
My due date came and went, which I was prepared for this time (Aaron was 10 days overdue). Then the prodromal labour started. I’d have contractions for hours, and then they’d stop. It happened three times. It reminded me of Aaron’s birth. I started panicking again. I texted Emily over and over, and over and over she provided me with solid information and encouragement that this was NOT my first birth happening all over again, and I WAS CREATED TO DO THIS.
Baby girl never dropped, and I never dilated past one centimeter until five days after my due date, when I finally went into labour and stayed in labour. Contractions started at 9pm, but I was trying not to hold my breath. They continued to get stronger so at 2am we moved Aaron to my parents’ bus at the church where they were ministering, and my mom went with us to a hotel 45 minutes away, close to the hospital.
That’s when the adventure started. The GPS led us to a dead-end instead of the highway. If that wasn’t stressful enough, once we finally got to the hotel, guess what? No front desk (it was privately own) and it was totally full! So we started going down our list of hotels the hospital recommended. Every. Single. One. FULL! We were starting to feel a bit like Mary and Joseph! Emily came to our rescue and started calling hotels that popped up on her GPS. She called about 20 hotels before one finally said they had a room. Drew called to confirm, and the guy recanted his statement… “Sorry no room.” CLICK. He hung up! Drew called back. He hung up on him again! Emily called and tried to confirm. Halfway through giving her credit card information he hung up again! If we had any other option we would have taken it, but unfortunately we didn’t! Let’s not forget I was sitting in a car for this entire time trying to focus on getting through contractions! So we went to the hotel in hopes that there was something available (and hopefully something better than a stable… haha). Luckily when we got there, there was a room. Drew asked for the manager to complain, and of course it turned out it was a family-owned business… so no one was getting fired… haha!
I labored with Drew, my mom, and Emily in the hotel room until about 11am. Emily was incredible, diffusing essential oils, massaging, using the heat back and ribozo, helping with positioning, and coaching me through my contractions. Drew held onto me and told me over and over how amazing I was and how good I was doing. There was so much peace.
We moved over to the hospital where I labored for the next fourteen hours. I was four centimeters dilated when we got there, and my water broke shortly after. I had worship music playing, and so much support from my mom, husband and doula. Even though it was long and hard, I felt so much grace and peace.
At about 4pm they checked me and I was 7 centimeters. Progress! At this rate I’d probably have the baby by dinner time! I continued to labour until 8pm. Contractions had consistently been about 2 minutes apart and were pretty heavy. I was getting tired, and was sleeping between contractions. I woke up a bit before 8 and in my dazed state was acutely aware of the worship song that was playing. The words “I am yours, I am yours, all my days, Jesus I am yours” were penetrating my heart, and I noticed that everyone else in the room was worshiping along with it. I could feel God’s presence and peace. I was going to need it.
They checked me at 8pm and there was no change. At all. Baby was not coming down, I was not progressing, and on top of it all, her heart rate was starting to becoming irregular. Flashbacks of my first birth experience predominated my vision, and I lost all motivation to keep trying. I had handled all my contractions well until that point, but after that I couldn’t handle them. I wanted them to stop. I wanted my baby out. Everything was turning out exactly the same as before. I just knew I wasn’t going to be able to have this baby naturally. And I wanted to call it quits. NOW.
My contractions started slowing down (probably from sheer exhaustion). The midwife came in and suggested putting me on pitocin. I could not imagine dealing with any stronger contractions than what I was already trying to get through. I asked for a minute to think about things. And the only thing that I could think of was, “You’re gonna end up with a C-section anyway… the baby’s not coming down. You can’t do this. Just ask for it now and get it over with!” And with that, the battle in my mind was lost. I started begging for a C-section. I had a whole list of Scriptures I had given to my doula and mom to read to me when I felt like giving up. My mom read the whole list to me. It didn’t move me. She asked me if I wanted her to read them again. Of course I didn’t. I wanted out! I had completely stopped thinking clearly. Drew and Emily came in and tried to convince me to change my mind. I was sure I was reliving my last experience and there was nothing that was going to change that. I couldn’t see past those frightening memories anymore, and nine months of working tirelessly to see a different outcome didn’t matter anymore. I knew my body just wasn’t cut out for this.
Drew and Emily left to consult with the midwife. I continued to beg my mom for a C-section. Drew came back in and asked me if I would consider having an epidural along with pitocin. “Will I feel anything?” “No, you’ll be completely numb from the hips down.” “I’m in.” HAHA! Drew, Emily, and my mom all breathed a sigh of relief!. They were so glad I was so easy to convince! I had the epidural and started thinking clearly again. And I was able to SLEEP! I realized that despite how against interventions I was, at that moment it was exactly the right thing to do.
The nurses kept coming in and changing my position to try to keep the baby’s heart rate from continuing to fall (something that they did NOT do with Aaron… I was told to lay on my back for the entire labour). A couple hours later my amniotic fluid was getting low. I thought again that was the cue for me to get a C-section, as in most other settings that’s probably what they would have suggested. But the midwife came back and said they could just put some back in and I could keep labouring! Looking back now I am so very grateful that I was in a hospital with a group of people that were so set on my success.
At around 2 o’ clock Monday morning I was feeling some pain. I thought my epidural wasn’t working. I asked the nurse, and they checked me and told me I was fully dilated and it was time to push! I couldn’t believe it was happening. It all felt surreal. The midwife told me, “The baby is not going to tolerate a long time of pushing, so you need to get this baby out as quickly as you can.” It scared me that a C-section could be so imminent after working so hard, but by that point my fear had turned into determination. I had made it this far, I was going to get this baby out! Drew stood beside me, shaking and praying under his breath. Everyone stood around me encouraging me and cheering me on. And after pushing just a few times with all my strength and energy SHE WAS HERE. She was on my chest. She was breathing and healthy. She was beautiful. She was perfect. She was worth it all.
Tears filled our eyes as we held our beautiful daughter close. Every fear, every prayer, all the hard work, every bit of pain, it all led to this beautiful, perfect moment. We had a different name picked out for her, but the moment we saw her we knew her name was “Brielle.” Brielle means “God is my strength.” He had been my strength in every weak moment in my journey to bring her into this world.
In every circumstance during my pregnancy with her I was reminded to lean into Him, not just concerning her birth, but in many other difficult situations that were taking place at the time. He has proved Himself trustworthy time and time again. Brielle will be a month old tomorrow and every time I look at her I am reminded that He is my strength when I am weak. In my lowest moments I just look at her and He reminds me of His character. I am so thankful.
PART THREE: WHAT I’VE LEARNED
I hope this is an encouragement to anyone who is considering a VBAC or even just a more natural approach to birthing. Here are some of the things that I learned in this process:
Research well. Read lots. Know your options.
Find a place to give birth that has a high percentage of vaginal births (80-90%)
Get a doula for emotional and informational support.
Prepare physically and mentally. Know what you’re capable of.
Have a birth plan, but realize that deviating from it does not mean failure.
Sometimes interventions are necessary. Know when they are and when they aren’t. Don’t be afraid to refuse unnecessary interventions, but realize what a blessing they are when you need them!
Success is a healthy baby :)
Some of the resources that greatly influenced me and helped me:
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
The Business of Being Born (Documentary)
www.spinningbabies.com
ICAN support groups
Chiropractic care (in my case, specifically the Webster Technique, used to help turn babies)
PART ONE: MY VBAC JOURNEY
“Hours past as we were left alone all night to watch our baby’s heart rate rise and fall…” My first birth experience was a traumatic one. We were in a foreign country where we didn’t speak the language. My baby was in distress. We were alone. Nurses came in and out throughout the night, but only long enough to tell us that our baby was not ok, and then left us alone to process what that could possibly mean. Labour ended after 12 hours in an emergency C-section where I was put to sleep and didn’t see my son until hours after he was born. And after it all ended, the doctor told me, “I really don’t think you are big enough to have children naturally.”
I was so very grateful for God’s protection and presence with me during that scary night, but what I wasn’t prepared for was the depression that came afterward. I didn’t pinpoint I had experienced postpartum depression until this year when I was recounting the events. I never thought giving birth would be so scary, and I never thought my body wouldn’t be “capable” of giving birth properly. It was devastating to me.
Two years later Drew and I started praying about having a second child. I had succumbed to the fact that I’d probably have to have another C-section, but was acutely aware of the fact that having many repeat C-sections could limit the amount of children I could have. If there was an alternative, I wanted to find it. I started asking around, and a midwife gave me a book called Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. I started reading it and was astounded to find out that there was really no medical reason for me not to have a VBAC… not only that, it was safer for me to VBAC than to have a repeat cesarian! The second thing that I was made aware of, and was moved to tears to find out, was the fact that it is extremely uncommon for a woman to be too small to give birth naturally to her own baby. As I read, I became more and more excited. I wrote down in my journal, and re-read almost every day:
“Remember this, for as true as true gets: your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic.” - Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, p 141
I. am. not. a. lemon. I can do this.
And so my journey began. We were absolutely thrilled to find out I was pregnant with our daughter, just after my 26th birthday. She was due just ten days after Aaron’s third birthday.
I started praying and researching to find a VBAC supportive midwife and had everything set up to be in Canada with my family… only to realize afterward that both Drew’s and my parents would be in Florida the time I was due! Since our healthcare plan came out of the States anyway, we decided to look into having the baby in Florida to be with family. I found out very quickly that Florida has one of the highest cesarian rates in the country, and most of the hospitals there would not even consider a VBAC but would automatically schedule a C-section. Furthermore, it was ILLEGAL to have a VBAC at a birthing center, but somehow still legal to have a home-birth VBAC. This was getting complicated.
I continued to pray and ask for guidance and started searching the internet. I stumbled upon an ICAN (International Cesarian Awareness Network) support group on Facebook for the Tampa Bay area and joined it. From there I found a hospital that had an 85% success rate for VBACs and a group of midwives that worked in the hospital. Things were starting to fall into place.
My pregnancy was healthy. Everything was good. But I kept having flashbacks of my previous birth. What if the baby got stuck again? Aaron was posterior. What if this baby was posterior? I asked my doctor in China if she thought the baby was posterior. She wasn’t sure but said there wasn’t really anything I could do if it was. More fear. More breakdowns. Could I do this?
Before I left for Canada I was made aware of a website called spinningbabies.com and found out that it is possible to help turn the baby around if it’s in a bad position. One of the options was chiropractic care. I was having terrible back pain and was feeling the baby’s feet in my front, and I was starting to panic. I went back to Canada, and the Lord literally directed me to a chiropractor who was skilled in turning babies around. My back immediately started feeling better, and I could feel the baby getting into proper position. I know God was guiding my every step.
We arrived in Florida and I started seeing the midwife. I realized after the first visit that though they were very VBAC supportive, I wouldn't meet the midwife who delivers my baby ahead of time and they would not play an active role in my labour. One thing I had learned in my research was how key of a role your mental state plays in labour. I knew I needed a support person to help me stay positive. So three weeks before my due date I started searching for a doula. I posted a message on the ICAN Facebook page in hopes there might be a doula in the area who would take someone on short notice. I woke up the next morning to over 20 responses! It was a bit overwhelming, but after a lot of research and prayer, and several interviews, we finally found Emily, who was extremely knowledgeable and encouraged me from the moment that I met her that I was made for this.
I had worked hard. I did everything I knew to do to set myself up for a positive birth experience. But I was still afraid.
A week before my due date I prayed together with Drew and his mom. I realized I was believing lies. I believed my last birth experience said something about me as a woman. That I was “less” of a woman because I couldn’t do what a woman was made to do. I believed I didn’t measure up. I was incapable. I wasn’t ENOUGH. And I think a lot of women who have had births ending in unwanted C-sections end up having similar thoughts about themselves.
But that night God met me where I was, and I was reminded of this verse:
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My form was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.” - Ps 139:13-15
He created my body to be able to carry and give birth to children. I stood on that promise. I held onto it for dear life.
PART TWO: LABOUR AND DELIVERY
My due date came and went, which I was prepared for this time (Aaron was 10 days overdue). Then the prodromal labour started. I’d have contractions for hours, and then they’d stop. It happened three times. It reminded me of Aaron’s birth. I started panicking again. I texted Emily over and over, and over and over she provided me with solid information and encouragement that this was NOT my first birth happening all over again, and I WAS CREATED TO DO THIS.
Baby girl never dropped, and I never dilated past one centimeter until five days after my due date, when I finally went into labour and stayed in labour. Contractions started at 9pm, but I was trying not to hold my breath. They continued to get stronger so at 2am we moved Aaron to my parents’ bus at the church where they were ministering, and my mom went with us to a hotel 45 minutes away, close to the hospital.
That’s when the adventure started. The GPS led us to a dead-end instead of the highway. If that wasn’t stressful enough, once we finally got to the hotel, guess what? No front desk (it was privately own) and it was totally full! So we started going down our list of hotels the hospital recommended. Every. Single. One. FULL! We were starting to feel a bit like Mary and Joseph! Emily came to our rescue and started calling hotels that popped up on her GPS. She called about 20 hotels before one finally said they had a room. Drew called to confirm, and the guy recanted his statement… “Sorry no room.” CLICK. He hung up! Drew called back. He hung up on him again! Emily called and tried to confirm. Halfway through giving her credit card information he hung up again! If we had any other option we would have taken it, but unfortunately we didn’t! Let’s not forget I was sitting in a car for this entire time trying to focus on getting through contractions! So we went to the hotel in hopes that there was something available (and hopefully something better than a stable… haha). Luckily when we got there, there was a room. Drew asked for the manager to complain, and of course it turned out it was a family-owned business… so no one was getting fired… haha!
I labored with Drew, my mom, and Emily in the hotel room until about 11am. Emily was incredible, diffusing essential oils, massaging, using the heat back and ribozo, helping with positioning, and coaching me through my contractions. Drew held onto me and told me over and over how amazing I was and how good I was doing. There was so much peace.
We moved over to the hospital where I labored for the next fourteen hours. I was four centimeters dilated when we got there, and my water broke shortly after. I had worship music playing, and so much support from my mom, husband and doula. Even though it was long and hard, I felt so much grace and peace.
At about 4pm they checked me and I was 7 centimeters. Progress! At this rate I’d probably have the baby by dinner time! I continued to labour until 8pm. Contractions had consistently been about 2 minutes apart and were pretty heavy. I was getting tired, and was sleeping between contractions. I woke up a bit before 8 and in my dazed state was acutely aware of the worship song that was playing. The words “I am yours, I am yours, all my days, Jesus I am yours” were penetrating my heart, and I noticed that everyone else in the room was worshiping along with it. I could feel God’s presence and peace. I was going to need it.
They checked me at 8pm and there was no change. At all. Baby was not coming down, I was not progressing, and on top of it all, her heart rate was starting to becoming irregular. Flashbacks of my first birth experience predominated my vision, and I lost all motivation to keep trying. I had handled all my contractions well until that point, but after that I couldn’t handle them. I wanted them to stop. I wanted my baby out. Everything was turning out exactly the same as before. I just knew I wasn’t going to be able to have this baby naturally. And I wanted to call it quits. NOW.
My contractions started slowing down (probably from sheer exhaustion). The midwife came in and suggested putting me on pitocin. I could not imagine dealing with any stronger contractions than what I was already trying to get through. I asked for a minute to think about things. And the only thing that I could think of was, “You’re gonna end up with a C-section anyway… the baby’s not coming down. You can’t do this. Just ask for it now and get it over with!” And with that, the battle in my mind was lost. I started begging for a C-section. I had a whole list of Scriptures I had given to my doula and mom to read to me when I felt like giving up. My mom read the whole list to me. It didn’t move me. She asked me if I wanted her to read them again. Of course I didn’t. I wanted out! I had completely stopped thinking clearly. Drew and Emily came in and tried to convince me to change my mind. I was sure I was reliving my last experience and there was nothing that was going to change that. I couldn’t see past those frightening memories anymore, and nine months of working tirelessly to see a different outcome didn’t matter anymore. I knew my body just wasn’t cut out for this.
Drew and Emily left to consult with the midwife. I continued to beg my mom for a C-section. Drew came back in and asked me if I would consider having an epidural along with pitocin. “Will I feel anything?” “No, you’ll be completely numb from the hips down.” “I’m in.” HAHA! Drew, Emily, and my mom all breathed a sigh of relief!. They were so glad I was so easy to convince! I had the epidural and started thinking clearly again. And I was able to SLEEP! I realized that despite how against interventions I was, at that moment it was exactly the right thing to do.
The nurses kept coming in and changing my position to try to keep the baby’s heart rate from continuing to fall (something that they did NOT do with Aaron… I was told to lay on my back for the entire labour). A couple hours later my amniotic fluid was getting low. I thought again that was the cue for me to get a C-section, as in most other settings that’s probably what they would have suggested. But the midwife came back and said they could just put some back in and I could keep labouring! Looking back now I am so very grateful that I was in a hospital with a group of people that were so set on my success.
At around 2 o’ clock Monday morning I was feeling some pain. I thought my epidural wasn’t working. I asked the nurse, and they checked me and told me I was fully dilated and it was time to push! I couldn’t believe it was happening. It all felt surreal. The midwife told me, “The baby is not going to tolerate a long time of pushing, so you need to get this baby out as quickly as you can.” It scared me that a C-section could be so imminent after working so hard, but by that point my fear had turned into determination. I had made it this far, I was going to get this baby out! Drew stood beside me, shaking and praying under his breath. Everyone stood around me encouraging me and cheering me on. And after pushing just a few times with all my strength and energy SHE WAS HERE. She was on my chest. She was breathing and healthy. She was beautiful. She was perfect. She was worth it all.
Tears filled our eyes as we held our beautiful daughter close. Every fear, every prayer, all the hard work, every bit of pain, it all led to this beautiful, perfect moment. We had a different name picked out for her, but the moment we saw her we knew her name was “Brielle.” Brielle means “God is my strength.” He had been my strength in every weak moment in my journey to bring her into this world.
In every circumstance during my pregnancy with her I was reminded to lean into Him, not just concerning her birth, but in many other difficult situations that were taking place at the time. He has proved Himself trustworthy time and time again. Brielle will be a month old tomorrow and every time I look at her I am reminded that He is my strength when I am weak. In my lowest moments I just look at her and He reminds me of His character. I am so thankful.
PART THREE: WHAT I’VE LEARNED
I hope this is an encouragement to anyone who is considering a VBAC or even just a more natural approach to birthing. Here are some of the things that I learned in this process:
Research well. Read lots. Know your options.
Find a place to give birth that has a high percentage of vaginal births (80-90%)
Get a doula for emotional and informational support.
Prepare physically and mentally. Know what you’re capable of.
Have a birth plan, but realize that deviating from it does not mean failure.
Sometimes interventions are necessary. Know when they are and when they aren’t. Don’t be afraid to refuse unnecessary interventions, but realize what a blessing they are when you need them!
Success is a healthy baby :)
Some of the resources that greatly influenced me and helped me:
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
The Business of Being Born (Documentary)
www.spinningbabies.com
ICAN support groups
Chiropractic care (in my case, specifically the Webster Technique, used to help turn babies)
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